


Three Images

by Zovrin



Category: Firefly
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Protection, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 22:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3357560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zovrin/pseuds/Zovrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm Reynolds knew from the moment he first saw that girl, in all her young naked beauty; that he would die for her if it came to it. He didn't know why, he didn't even know her name, but he was ready to raise hell in her name no matter what it was. Once he admits his feelings, he isn't ready to act on them in typical Mal fashion. He thought he found a way to protect his feelings from a reader, it never goes smooth. Mal/River following Serenity. One shot for now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Images

**Author's Note:**

> For now this is just a one-shot of Mal/River following the time period for Serenity. Rated T for language,i hope its fine. If you like it let me know, its possible I may continue it further. I’m new to the whole fan fiction thing, and even newer to Firefly so I hope I didn’t butcher them too badly.
> 
> I don't own the characters or verse, I just play with em.

Malcolm Reynolds knew from the moment he first saw that girl, in all her young naked beauty; that he would die for her if it came to it. He didn’t know why, he didn’t even know her name, but he was ready to raise hell in her name no matter what it was. Something about her touched his tattered soul, drawing him to her with a powerful will that he couldn’t deny nor explain.

He remembered standing above her in the infirmary after hearing Doc say his peace. Kaylee lay on the bed in the middle of the room with a hole in her stomach and Mal followed her gaze to River who was crashed on the other bed.  
“She’s a real beauty, isn’t she?” Kaylee noted quietly.  
 _She most certainly is._ Mal thought to himself.

It wasn’t until a moment months later that he knew how deep it ran through him. He had felt things for her before sure, but they were more on the lines of protection and shelter. He’d let himself slip when he saw her there after the blast doors opened. Relief that she was alive combined with the death that pressed behind her aiming their guns at her. She would have fought no doubt and died doing so to protect the others, and he would have too.

He had known for a while that there was something special between them, but she was still too young. Age was one thing, life-experience another, but he would get past that if he had a chance to. It wasn’t really until he saw her standing amongst those dead reavers, ready to pounce on another threat behind her that he saw the woman she was, not the girl afraid of her mind. She was maybe more sane than he was, she may have always been. What had always only been a distant thought in his mind; now seemed real.

When he still thought they were going to die, he let his walls drop, all of them. He wanted River to know his true heart before they both left this world, so he let her in during those moments of uncertainty. He felt like she was calling to him, even though she just stared into his eyes not saying a word. What did he need her to know before they died here?

 _Bound. Forever. Even if you could never want me. Yours. You die. I die. Love you._  
He thought as loudly in her direction as he could, mind so full of other things also that he wasn’t quite sure how it all came out. She didn’t really even flinch, just kept her eyes locked on his. He could almost feel the connection sever, or maybe it was something else, but they remained focused on each other as they waited to react. Mal didn’t know what else to do, so he gave faith the final chance it didn’t deserve. Please God, spare her. Take me instead, please take me instead.  
“Stand down.” He heard the operative say over the radio right before his world went black and he felt himself hit the floor.

 

He wasn’t in fact sure River had even heard his little confession, maybe he was dead and it no longer mattered. He found himself lost and confused until he woke up in some Alliance infirmary on a ship of some sort and heard her screaming to see him. “Let me see him before I kill you!” He heard her say angrily to the person barring her entrance. A sense of pride rushed over him at hearing her voice, and her threatening someone’s life to be near Mal pleased him in a twisted way. He couldn’t get his eyes to open, he felt broken and his body couldn’t catch up with his mind. He felt her lay down on the bed next to him, felt her hair tickle his face, and he wanted so much to just touch her before she vanished into thin air. He felt her lay her head on the edge of his chest and grab his left hand. “It’s ok, Mal. I’ll be right here. Forever,” he heard her say as he dozed off into a dreamless sleep. He wondered if she was responding to his confession, and wondered then if his prayer had anything to do with what happened. He doubted it.

When he finally awoke with both his mind and body functioning, he realized that she was still only 17 years old, and had been not so much all there for the longest time. How could he even consider that she knew what she wanted, he didn’t see her as a little girl, but she wasn’t an aged woman either. He trusted her, believed in her, but she still wasn’t whole.

In the war there were young women even younger than her and he never discounted them because of age, never saw them as little girls. If they were old enough to kill and die in battle then they were old enough to drink and fuck. Why was it different now? She had been in battle for the last four years he imagined, but he still couldn’t see her like those others. It wasn’t her fault what the Alliance did to her, how could he hold it against her, he wouldn’t.

River didn’t really bring anything personal up again for a while and he was grateful for it. He was dealing with a lot, lost loved ones, his broken ship that needed fixing, Inara, River, and the weight of the world. He needed some time and he was fairly certain she was giving him just that, knowing that he needed to deal with some things. Mal couldn’t help but feel responsible for all the people they had lost because of Miranda. Not just his crew, but the people on Haven and all the other people and places who fell under the ‘leave no ground to go to’ decree from the operative. He was sure some of the crew would blame River somewhere deep down, but he never did. He knew they did the right thing, but it still hurt. He made the choices that brought them to their deaths, and he alone was responsible.

Wash had become so much more than just a pilot to him, not that he would have admitted it. Zoe loved Wash; therefore Mal loved him, obviously not in the same way, but did nonetheless. It tore him up inside that he caused Zoe so much pain. He somewhat wished he could trade spots with him for her. Mal had also come to see Book almost like a father figure. Giving him counsel on difficult things and never pushing his religiosity too much on him. He respected him even though he didn’t know much about him. “I don’t care what you believe in, just believe it.” He could hear Book saying it in his mind clear as day. He found something to believe in, he just wasn’t sure if the Sheppard would approve of the idea that it was a little slip of a girl who was nearly young enough to be Mal’s daughter that he believed in.

He had told Inara the day after they left for the black following Serenity’s repair that they could never be with each other. He told her it would never have worked, but that he loved her and wouldn’t allow her to leave. She conceded that he was right, she always knew but still found herself drawn to him all the same. Thought she could change him, but he couldn’t change who he was, and neither could she. She decided to stay though, because even if she wouldn’t admit it they were all a family, Mal never asked her for rent again. He didn’t think Inara noticed that there was probably more to the story, as in an underage teenage girl that had stolen his heart and he would never ask for it back.

 

“I do, but I like to hear you say it.” River responded with a smile.  
“Love.” He said and then paused as he looked into her eyes.  
He knew she understood, knew she heard what he meant by it all.  
“Storm’s getting worse.” She replied, knowing things wouldn’t be simple.  
“We’ll pass through it soon enough.” He concluded. It was as much of a promise as anything.

 

He didn’t stop punishing himself for letting her hear those thoughts through their silent embrace through the open blast doors. What if she heard him and decided to love him simply because he desired it. She had been young and fragile and he had been there for her, trusted her, and even believed in her when nobody else did. If only he could inherit her reader talents for a few minutes. What if she felt like she owed it to him and that was all it was?

He’d been drowning himself thinking of ways to take it back without actually taking it back, or give her time if she needed, or find a reason why he could just take her as his. He couldn’t tell her it meant nothing, because not only would it be a lie; but she may think he was taking it back. He wouldn’t touch her no matter what she wanted until she turned 18. Book had given him the special hell speech in regards to Saffron, which as it turns out wouldn’t have been so special. This was very different, the special hell may truly apply here, and it drove him crazy. Could it really be worse than the hell he was most certainly already enlisted in?

Eventually he had a mountain of reasons, some he believed, and others he didn’t, but they were reasons anyways. He kept telling himself if this was truly meant to be, it would all figure itself out at the right time. Mal knew she had feelings for him. He just wasn’t sure where it all stood with her. Was she just having a crush? It isn’t like she had a lot of options on Serenity that weren’t her brother, if you could even consider Jayne an option. She would find someone her own age someday, someone not him. He didn’t want to imagine being with her and then losing her. He couldn’t imagine truly that his admission in his head that day may have forced her to think of him that way. He wasn’t the reader here, but if that was the case, that she only looked at him that way because of his hasty message he would probably crawl into a shell and die.

“You die, I die.” River whispered into his ear from behind the pilot seat he sat in. And as quick as she had appeared, she was gone when he turned around. He was shaking. Damn if he didn’t understand her nearly all the time now. At one point he must have become fluent in River.

“Gorramit.” He punished himself quietly. Just her words and the linger of warmth from her breath on his ear left a tingling sensation all over his body.

 

Mal decided after that moment to hide his thoughts from her in the only way he thought possible. Every time he started thinking about her in a desiring way, he would bring up three images in his mind and concentrate only on them, hoping that was all she would see as well. They were never fully clear in his mind, just a slight blur or focus issue that kept him from really looking too closely at them. Like a picture had been taken with a slight movement right at capture. He wasn’t sure why, but he could conjure them in his mind pretty quickly and see them despite the blurriness. .

The first was of a small boy in a field looking up and seeing an older man standing in front of the bright sunset with a ship flying in the sky behind him. It made him think of Shadow, maybe it was Mal looking up at his father, but it couldn’t be. It wasn’t a memory, but it felt real, like it had really happened. Could be it was one of the ranch hands from when he was a child.

The second was a view from him sitting in the pilot seat looking out through the front window at the black, stars shining brightly. He saw this most nights, but it never got old, it seemed right he would use that image.

The last was an image of his crew eating dinner together at the table. Wash and Book included with everyone else, pre-Miranda he expected. They all seemed happy, smiling and laughing together, his true family.

He wasn’t constantly conjuring these images in his mind; he would often sit with her on the bridge just silently thinking about nothing, or everything. They would talk for hours about nothing in particular, which he enjoyed more than anything else he did throughout the day. He felt so oddly comfortable around her, unlike anyone else in the world. Whenever his thoughts started to stray toward the ‘loving her’ variety, he would bring them back and concentrate again on just those three images. She would always give him a smirk and then shake her head as if saying “you are stupid,” and then she would leave. He wasn’t sure if it was working or not, he never really thought to ask, because then she would know why he was doing it. So he just kept on doing it, for months, and it was killing him.

River didn’t push him about any of it, but Mal would catch her staring at him at different times throughout the days. Sometimes he would just give her a nod or a quick glance, but other times he would find himself just staring back, getting lost in the depth of her eyes. Whenever they broke their stare she would start smiling and then walk away. He found it really hard to think about anything but her beauty when she did that, before he would quickly try to recover his firewall. Three images.

 

When her 18th birthday came he found himself in a better mood. He was being childish. Just because she was an adult by age didn’t mean that everything had changed. He was still her Captain, and that alone held enough weight to make it impossible, not even bringing Simon or the crew into account. He knew what most of their reactions would be if anything ever happened, but he would deal with it if she asked him to, someday.

He bought her a set of throwing knives for her birthday. After tearing it open and staring at them wide eyed and full of surprise for a moment, she reacted by jumping into his arms giving him a big hug and a lingering kiss on the cheek. Silently he wondered if he bought her a new set of knives every day if she would do that just the same each time. The way her body felt up against his and her soft lips on his cheek. Gorramit Mal. Three images.

 

That night she found him on the bridge as he sat in the pilot’s chair staring into the black. When he noticed the look in her eyes, they told Mal most everything he needed to know, it was time to clear the air. She gracefully found her place in the copilot chair where he always just assumed she had belonged. He wanted to tell her everything, but he just couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Don’t need to buy me things. Would kiss you anytime you want.” River said flatly.

To say he wasn’t surprised was one thing. He knew she came up here with a purpose, and now he knew he was responsible. She had obviously been hearing his thoughts the whole time. He needed to apologize for forcing his thoughts about her into her own mind.

“Always the same three images. Why do you think?” She asked curiously, as if she knew something he didn’t, which she usually did.

He couldn’t fight it anymore. She at least deserved honesty from him after everything he had put her through. He had convinced himself that she needed more time, or maybe he did. She deserves so much better.

“I don’t rightly know darlin’, just found them in my head and figured they’d do the trick.” Mal said defeated wondering to himself why those three.

“So ignorant.” She spat. “Nobody better. Look at them again. Closer.”

He knew she caught onto his thought; she had an answer for everything. Mal was curious now so he did as she asked bringing up the first image of the man in the sunset. He closed his eyes and concentrated, it was then he heard her voice in his head.

“Who is the man Mal?” River asked in the silence, only for him to hear.

“How-? Uh. Not rightly sure, I figured maybe my father, back on Shadow. Looks like something I’d have seen there.” He responded, thinking about how oddly wonderful her voice sounded in his head. He also marveled at how strange it was that his voice sounded exactly as if he was saying it out loud. Uncertainty and all.

“Look closer…” She pushed. As if he didn’t know what his own images were, but he concentrated on clearing the blurriness. Wait a minute.

“It’s me.” He discovered shockingly. “And that’s Serenity in the sky. Who’s the boy then?”

“You’ll find out. Next one.” She ordered with a tone of victory. So he brought up the second image.

“Alright, well it’s just me staring out into the black. Sure is beautiful.” Mal said smugly, determined he knew his own mind.

“Look closer at the window in the center.” She said sounding annoyed.

He concentrated only on the center of the picture as a face began to appear as if out of thin air when the blur cleared. It was as if he had been looking at the pictures drunk, not quite in focus. Then he saw her, the most beautiful reflection of her sitting in the copilot seat, her face in the window staring back at him with her captivating brown eyes.

“It’s you.” He said softly with his voice starting to shake even in his own mind. “You telling me you have been in there every time I thought it up?” He asked accusingly almost disgusted at himself for trying to shield her, but only reminding her every time of how she was on his mind..

“You weren’t seeing it clearly. I always did. Didn’t make sense to me. Hurt.” She said sadly.

“Sorry darlin’. Never wanted to hurt you.” He responded more solidly. He couldn’t believe he had been hurting her every time he brought them up.

“I know. Last one.” She ordered. He wasn’t sure he needed to even know, but he brought it up anyway, focusing the image right away now.

“It’s the crew, and you are in the middle holding… a baby.” He stuttered, which she responded with a giggle. “That don’t make no sense, we didn’t have any baby on the ship when Wash and Book were still with us.” Even as he said their names his spirit dropped. Family he had lost, family he failed.

“They are still with us. Always. See, they are just a little faded.” She replied with certainty.

He saw in the image how everyone was in full color, except for Wash and Book who just seemed to be a little lighter, faded, almost like ghosts, but not. He couldn’t help but bring himself back to the center of the image again. There sat River, beautiful with a smile looking down at the bundle in her arms wrapped in a blue blanket. He hadn’t noticed it before because she wore a matching blue dress and with poor focus it all blended together.

“The boy.” Mal conceded. “Is this real? Did I somehow conjure the future? I’m no reader.” He thought frantically. How was that even remotely possible?

“Possibly. Too far ahead to know for sure.” She responded. “Do you see now?”

“I reckon I do.” He answered softly as he swallowed loudly. “Kept thinking I was shielding you from my thoughts, my painted walls only revealed more truth that I didn’t allow myself to see.”

 

He almost felt like he was talking in River speak. As he was thinking how they should probably have this conversation out loud with real words he felt her hands wrap around his own as she kneeled in front of his chair. As he opened his mouth to object she lifted one of her hands and pressed two fingers against his lips to quiet him.

“You love me Mal. You show me every day, but won’t let yourself see how much I love you. Please stop fighting us. Hurts too much. Seeing your love. Never feeling it. Real one minute. Gone the next.” She pleaded with him.

“River-“ Mal said, worried that the wetness in his eyes were showing her how weak he was. As he thought to start speaking, her fingers pressing softly against his lips again cut him off.

“Believed in me. Trusted me. Healed me. You fill in the gaps. Steady me. Not a little girl anymore. Old enough to kill, old enough to fuck.” She continued flashing a smirk.

Mal shook his head as if to show his distaste for that language and the fact that she heard it in his head. He wasn’t mad, but he couldn’t quite hide the way his body reacted when she said it though, a tingle in his groin. Before he could respond she had climbed up and straddled over his lap. She gathered his face in both hands and looked deep into his eyes.

“Every reason you have for hiding from us is stupid. Not wrong, Right. Light in the darkness. Meant to be. You know it. So do I. Please Mal. I can’t take it anymore.” River begged as she pierced his soul with her gaze.

Every instinct in his body wanted nothing more than to touch her, forever. She was 18 now, she could obviously take care of herself, and she hadn’t had a meltdown since Miranda. She was healthy, her mind more sound than he had ever seen it, and she was embracing who she is now. She piloted Serenity with perfect calculations and perfect timing controlling his ship with ease. Wash was a little more instinctive of a pilot, but to say he was better would be tough to confirm. They flew differently, but both could do things no other pilot Mal had seen before could. Sometimes she came out on jobs and saved their lives more often than Mal would ever care to admit. He worried for her every time he split apart from her, so it was either put her in danger, or worry about her away from him. He could never quite figure out the right balance. Starting a relationship could only make that worse. He was the Captain; she was part of his crew. Every reason you have for hiding from this is stupid. Might be that’s true.

She shifted herself up towards him and set her head next to his as she began to whisper in his ear. Her chest up against his heart and her fingers playing with his hair while tracing an invisible pattern on his neck.

“Bound. Forever. Always wanted. Always Needed. Yours. You die. I die. I love you ai ren. Never alone again.” She said softly and slowly, as Mal replayed the message he tried to send to her through the blast doors back on Mr. Universe’s moon. Each word hit Mal in the chest making him feel as though he may explode. She used his words, but changed them to sound as if they came from her.

“Not your words. Ours. Remember.” She whined and then set her forehead against his. Her warm breath fluttering over his lips as she breathed, making his head spin with desire.

All of the sudden he felt his mind grasping for something else, just as if he was recounting his three images again. He was startled when he was seeing a different one, he saw himself standing back in that hallway, his crew scattered on the ground, seeing the reavers on the floor around him he figured he was seeing her perspective. He didn’t understand how this was possible either, but seems a lot of impossible things happened around this woman. She was replaying her memory inside his head.

“Mal!” He heard River’s voice, sounding far away.  
“Mal?” She said louder with more urgency and it echoed softly.  
Then he heard his own voice echoing in his mind, remembering that he hadn’t been the only voice in that conversation faced with death.  
“Bound.” Mal’s voice said.  
“Forever.” River responded.  
“Even if you could never want me.” Mal continued.  
“Yours.” River responded again with sadness in her far-off voice.  
“You die, I die.” Mal finished.  
“Love you. Ai ren.” River concluded.

“You? I thought… I thought I said them all, didn’t know half of the words were yours. I can’t-” Mal stuttered out slowly before pausing. As he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer into a hug he thought he felt her begin sobbing and was confirmed when he felt her hot tears drop onto his neck. “Baobei. Don’t cry darlin’. I’m so sorry, I don’t really have the words, never been real good with feelings.”

“I’ll be fine Mal. Tortured before. Can live with it until you are ready to find us.” River said sadly without leaving his embrace, tears still dripping onto his exposed skin beneath her eyes. Just the thought of him torturing her was enough to shatter his will. No matter how difficult this would be, he would never again allow her to hurt because he was too afraid of his own feelings. You coward Mal.

“Sweetheart. I have never been more ready.” He whispered the truth softly into her ear, giving a quick nibble with his teeth on her earlobe. Almost instantly her crying stopped and he felt her body shudder in response to his playful nip.

“Can’t go there then take it back.” She said with a sigh that caused him all sorts of turmoil. “Would die inside from a changed mind.” River finished as she brought her face in front of his as if to search his eyes for truth.

“Bound Forever sweetheart. When my mind’s made up it doesn’t change. Not even death will separate me from you.” Mal said with utter certainty.

“That’s because I will be laying dead next to you.” River remarked confidently with a straight face, and he believed it to be true. He would tackle that issue another time.

The only thing he could do now was kiss her, it’s all he could think about, he had wanted for so long to take her as his own, to kiss her, touch her. Before he could gather the courage to lean towards her, she had already taken the initiative and her lips were pressed to his with more passion than he expected from her. He wasn’t sure about her sexual past, but it didn’t matter to him, she was his. He embraced her kiss quickly and needed to taste every bit of her. When his tongue licked along her lip line, she released a seductive moan and opened her mouth to him, their tongues colliding in uncertain rhythm. It didn’t take her long to figure out what she wanted; she had always been a quick learner.

He knew that she loved him, but he never imagined how much desire radiated through her body, trying to touch as much of him as she possibly could. As he found himself exploring her body, he realized quickly that he needed to slow things down. If they didn’t stop soon, he wouldn’t be able to, and she deserved better. As he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers, both of them regaining their breath and a smile broke across his lips.

“Don’t have to happen all at once River.” Mal said and her body language suggested equal parts disappointment and relief. “We got all the time in the world to figure out the steps. It’s been a long while since I ever thought I would truly love someone, I aim to do it right. I don’t plan on there ever being another.” He finished through his labored breathing.

River nodded back to him and couldn’t suppress the smile that lit up her face. She gave him another short kiss and then settled herself comfortably sitting across his lap to face the black with him. They just sat there together staring at the stars in silence, love spreading through every touch, every movement. Mal finally understood why Zoe fell for Wash, and why nothing he said could have changed her mind. He immediately regretted ordering her not to marry him, he promised himself he would apologize for it.

When River fell asleep in Mal’s arms he couldn’t find it in himself to wake her. She looked so beautiful and perfect with her head on his chest with the rest of her comfortably spread across his lap. He thought about moving her somewhere and going to bed, but he didn’t feel like being separated from her and he wasn’t about to crawl into her bunk. He resigned himself to fall asleep just as he was. Someone would no doubt find them there in a few hours when the crew was set to wake, but he didn’t care. It’s about time they knew. Just before sleep overcame him he brought up his three images again, the purpose completely different now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think if you get a chance.


End file.
